Sean and Jill Maher’s newly published book lays out nine principles for building a philanthropic family and creating a legacy of giving.
The Greatest Gift: 9 Principles for the Transfer of Your Legacy Along with Your Wealth is an excellent new book written by Sean Maher, a financial planner, and Jill Maher, a licensed counselor, based on their 30 years of experience working with high-net-worth families. Their debut work draws on case studies, previous clients, and their own lives to offer nine principles for a rewarding transfer of wealth and legacy between generations. The book captures something greater than financial planning: a framework for identifying and rectifying the destructive emotions that can corrode dynamics in families, with and without wealth alike. Donors and their advisers will find the Mahers’ book insightful, warm, and convincing.
The Greatest Gift is shaped around the following nine principles: develop a common purpose, share your story, forge traditions, define roles, promote humility, nurture independence, encourage giving, create a safe environment, and overcommunicate. Each chapter (chapter three, for instance) is devoted to a principle (forge traditions), and identifies a related destructive emotion (loneliness), a constructive emotion (belonging), and a proposition (family culture is important). Every chapter includes practical financial planning advice, positive and negative examples from clients, and psychological insights into the emotional dynamics of legacy planning. The heart of the book is that if families maintain open lines of communication and voice their expectations, they can avoid most causes of conflict and resolve conflict quickly.
Chapter seven, on encouraging giving, focuses on philanthropy as a tool for bringing families together and reducing feelings of entitlement. The chapter covers the destructive emotion of greed, the constructive emotion of generosity, and the proposition that “charity is pure love.” Philanthropy does not magically unite families, but it offers a chance to work toward a common goal, a step in the right direction. The Mahers warn that family members might not be excited to provide input into charitable decisions at first, especially if prioritizing giving is new to the family culture. It takes time to create charitable habits. They recommend a mixed approach: volunteering time as well as financial resources. Bringing children face-to-face with need, in an age-appropriate way, will hopefully inculcate a sense of gratitude. They add, “Gratitude naturally diminishes feelings of entitlement as the sense of gratefulness for what is becomes more important than what one has.”
Philanthropy, done well, takes energy and time. The authors write, “No matter the amount you give or the time that you donate, charity takes work and repetition. So, as you would with anything important, be deliberate with your gifts to charity. Set clear goals and objectives for giving, then create a plan and execute it.” Inviting children into this process, whether including them as decision-makers or not, reinforces the idea that philanthropy is a family value. It also teaches valuable lessons on effectively using funds, the real costs and complexities involved in solving social problems, and a sense of empowerment to do good in the world.
The way a family does philanthropy should reflect the family’s values, something the Mahers recommend creating in the first chapter on finding a common purpose. They encourage donors to give sooner rather than later. This is because “giving to charity during your lifetime provides your family the opportunity to bond, educates your inheritors, plus it benefits those in need in the current moment.” The authors offer donors a challenge in humility, writing, “give consistent smaller amounts now versus a larger lump sum later, foregoing the recognition and naming rights a larger ‘splash’ gift would bring.” Recognition and naming rights are not wrong in themselves and often reflect a pride in the family name and legacy. The tradeoffs of giving during one’s lifetime is an important conversation for donors to have with their families, as well as what kind of recognition they consider meaningful for their gifts.
The book’s focus is the transfer of wealth, but the conversations and attitudes outlined in The Greatest Gift are also essential for those without major financial assets. The Greatest Gift emphasizes that wealth is only a small part of legacy. Passing on the skills to have difficult conversations, cultivating a family that enjoys being together, and establishing clear expectations for the future will benefit every family. The nine principles—develop a common purpose, share your story, forge traditions, define roles, promote humility, nurture independence, encourage giving, create a safe environment, and overcommunicate—are accessible for people at any level of wealth. None of these are easy tasks, but those who read The Greatest Gift will be far better equipped to take them on.