One nonprofit is bringing pregnancy and infant loss from the valley of tears into the light.
When Whitney Whitmore was pregnant with her third child, she received the devastating news that her preborn son had a fatal genetic disorder.
During a difficult pregnancy that ended in stillbirth, Whitney and her husband clung to their faith. They found comfort and strength in prayer, and Whitney’s experience drew her to enter the Catholic Church.
Still, the couple were disappointed by the lack of support from their church during their grief journey.
“When an older person passes away, there’s a funeral ministry and there’s a whole process to support the family,” Whitney says. “No one reached out to us or visited us or offered to support us through our experience.”
Whitney began looking at miscarriage and stillbirth statistics. She realized that she was hardly alone: roughly 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and in the U.S., the infant mortality rate is about 5.8 percent for every 1,000 live births. And yet, no one was hearing from these couples; there existed almost no support networks or ministries in the Church to provide them with pastoral accompaniment. Even more troubling, many parishes have no space set aside to honor the remains of miscarried children.
Many parents are trying to deal with the heavy grief of mourning their preborn children on their own, without the support of their faith community. There was clearly a gap in the Church’s ministry. As people of faith, we talk about the corporal work of mercy of burying the dead, but people often forget to apply it to preborn children.
“This is a silent trauma,” Whitney says. “I didn’t want to see people walk away from the Church because of its lack of response.”
In response, she founded Lily of the Valley, a Raleigh-based nonprofit that supports those facing infertility, prenatal diagnosis, pregnancy loss, and infant loss with beauty, prayer, and dignity, and by increasing community awareness.
Lily of the Valley began by sending prayer care packages to people who were going through difficult pregnancies, infertility, miscarriages, or stillbirths. The packages were personalized and included a handwritten note, tea, sacramentals, prayer cards, and more. The idea, Whitney explains, was to add beauty to their time of suffering and to let them know that their loss—while seemingly invisible—mattered deeply.
“It’s a way to continue to show up for them,” she says. “Especially those who’ve had a loss who may not have living children who continue to come into our pews on Sunday and see large, growing families.”
Slowly, Lily of the Valley began to grow, mostly through word of mouth. As more people brought this ministry to their own parishes, Lily of the Valley started crossing diocesan and state boundaries. It was clear that the ministry filled a very deep need in the Church.
Today, while Lily of the Valley still sends out many prayer packages each year, it’s also expanded to offer in-person events such as retreats, and to grow awareness within the Church about how to accompany mourning parents.
“Advocating and continuing education is an area that we need to expand on. The Church needs to figure out how to pastorally walk with families,” Whitney says.
She frequently speaks with pastors, church groups, and dioceses about how to communicate to families about honoring this area of grief and how they can be supportive.
Whitney has also been working with churches and dioceses to set aside dedicated space in their cemeteries for the remains of miscarried babies. She sees this as a pro-life issue, noting that honoring the dignity of the human person at all stages of life means properly mourning and burying the preborn.
“Our ministry is very different from most respect life ministries that are focused on abortion,” Whitney says. “We really put a lot of emphasis on validating the human dignity of the child, but also walking with the parents through their faith journey and how it impacts them.”
Slowly but surely, Lily of the Valley is changing Church culture and bringing miscarriage and stillbirth grief into the light. Lily of the Valley is now listed on the Diocese of Raleigh webpage as an official resource for pastoral support and family guidance. Lily of the Valley has sent over 1,000 prayer care packages to families across the United States experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, and prenatal and postnatal diagnosis. The organization currently has 60 prayer ambassadors who are praying for these families.
For years, parents have suffered the crosses of miscarriage and stillbirth in silence and isolation. But thanks to nonprofits like Lily of the Valley, that’s finally starting to change. For many going through this, God often feels silent and invisible. Lily of the Valley reminds them that they are not forgotten, bringing to them “a love made visible.”
